As Ferris Bueller said, you’d better take a step back every once in a while otherwise life will pass you by. Those might not be the exact words, but hell it was along those lines. I have had my very own Ferris Bueller moment recently, lost in my crappy job, not actually sure where the hell life was taking me so I decided to take five and get off for a while.
I am pretty shocked at where that decision or lack of one, took me… Dante (possibly a sign!) from a recruitment agency called out of the blue, usually I would just put the phone down, but I decided to give him a listen, as I didn’t have much going on at that particular moment.
Now he told me he had a job, part time, it was based at home with the occasional trip to Gloucester, this instantly got my attention as I am from Gloucester and it would also involve train travel (which I love, hours of inspiration and people watching to be done on trains!). Saying that I still wasn’t sure about this whole homeworking thing, those are just the jobs they stick in the paper to hook us, jobs like that don’t really exist, do they? Well not to Joe average, like me, so where is the catch?
He asked me if I wanted a telephone interview so I thought I would give it a go, what did I have to lose? Victoria phoned me, which went really well and Dante called back saying she wanted to meet me, great… anyhow long story short, I got the job.
The strangest thing is that I wasn’t actually looking for a job, I have been happily working away on the website and my writing course, which is fantastic btw (writing course that is... website’s not bad either!) I still can’t believe that it has taken me this long to start my writing, although if it hadn’t have been for the whole blogging, I don’t think I ever would have started. This probably would have resulted in a nervous breakdown, as I have discovered there is a lot going on inside this head of mine, needless to say I am quite surprised by where the whole writing thing is taking me!
I think my family are also relieved as now I have somewhere to vent, I leave them alone and actually feel calm when I have finished writing. In fact I have had some of the best night’s sleep that I have had in years over the last month or so. This isn’t helping the writing though as I usually find the insomnia brings out my creative. Therapeutic, definitely, although I do need to be careful who I share my work with, as after showing some people, I am thinking now maybe I shouldn’t have!
I taught myself years ago that if I was scared of something I had to throw myself in feet first. For some reason I never applied this to my fear of people’s judgement, possibly because it was a subconscious thing and I wasn’t really aware of it. The most bizarre thing being the very people whose opinions haunted me the most, count for absolutely nothing as they have less than zero to offer, in fact they lead pretty empty lives. These are the same people who have ripped my heart out over and over time and again.
I have always sat them on their pedestals and listened to what they had to say, pedestals that they never really deserved to sit on in the first place. The tragedy being they sat up there looking down on the rest of us, but if they actually spent five minutes looking at themselves, they would realise just how sad and empty their lives really were. Who knows maybe they can’t face it, so choose to attack others instead, truly believing that they actually have something to offer the rest of us!
This blog and my others have given me the courage to finally put myself out there for comment and criticism. I have always convinced myself that I don’t care what people think, yet discovered it is the very thing of my nightmares. I have also managed to turn the music off, which has been playing in the background forever and finally listen to my thoughts, which once used to scare the hell out of me.
Anyhow this isn’t where I wanted to go, what I am actually trying to say is that thanks to my writing, I have found me again and even if people don’t like the words, or think they are any good it is irrelevant, as I no longer care. What gives some jumped up idiot the right to ruin our dreams and why are they under the impression their opinions count for anything? What is relevant though is that I am finally happy, and I truly hope that everyone finds there’s.
